I have always had a tendency to dwell on the past with a sense of nostalgic longing. This is especially so when time are tough - I look to the good times of the past. I think of these times with feelings of loss and sadness, wondering at how time has flown by. I do not know if this is strange is someone still in his tweens - it is something one would usually associate with doddering geriatrics with early state Alzhiemer's. And it is not simply my past - I can get lost in old pictures of cities I have known, newspaper articles from by-gone eras or even old music...

During my board exams, I would often look at old photo albums, looking at the smiling faces, contemplating the circumstances of that time, and wallowing in the memories that the images would trigger. I often tend to look at times from the perspective of what I may have been doing at that time in the previous year...contrasting and comparing. It is strange experience...you can see how the present would not have been the reckoning of your past self, how you could never have imagined to be where you are now. This can be a good thing...but also a bad thing...

But now, almost a year has passed by with precious few happy memories, like pinpricks of light in a ocean of darkness. So when I look back to 'this time last year,' there is little offered in the way of comfort. The entire year has been one flash of dread and anxiety. This new job has been hard. Much harder than expected. Less because of the job and more because of my reaction to it...